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It has always been my opinion that often times, the people who seem closest to God are often thepeople who are farthest, and the people who seem farthest are often the closest to who God really is. I genuinely feel bad for people who have not been so sad that it feels like their heart is going to burst. I feel bad for people who have not experienced humanity at its deepest and most miserable moments because it leads you to be completely dependent on God in those moments for everything. After all, once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, and theres only one person who can repair your heart after it has been mangled to the point that you cannot see yourself ever returning to... yourself.

A pastor and I were talking about the condition of the human heart the other day and I decided to ask a kind of random question. I asked him why he though we dont see the kind of miracles that we saw throughout biblical times. My answer to this question was that we do not give our father the opportunity. In America, if we are hungry we go to McDonalds or the grocery store, if we need to go somewhere we jump in our car, if we need clothes we drive to the nearest clothing store. There is no room to let God show us what he can do. I still think that that's part of it, but this pastor had insight that i really didnt think of. He said to me that a the greatest miracle that he has ever seen is how God can completely repair and change the condition of the human heart. People who have such a broken heart but Jesus repairs it and puts this person back together, and in the process, teaches the person to gaurd their heart. It was truly one of the best conversations that i have had in a while. And that's exactly why i feel sorry for people who do not know what it is to be so sad that you see no hope for the future. The people who have been like this have seen God, they have experiened his tender love and know how entirely special it is to be saved by his hand.

In that same discussion with the pastor, we talked about where we see God. Where do we see God? In my opinion, we see him everywhere but we are too distracted by everyday things too pay him any attention. Every time you look at the sunset he has painted a picture for you, kind of like a present. In the winter, the obscure patterns that frost makes on your windshield, like a work of art crafted by the most intricate artist in all the universe. Miles and miles of beautiful shoreline, thunder and lightning, God saying, look how tender and at the same time how powerful i am. He is truly amazing day in and day out.

oh dear

I actually write alot, and alot, and alot, but i'm generally too timid write on anything except my green notebook that very rarely sees the outside world.

The American Church, i cant help but resent the fact that most "Christians" are falling in love with the way that the church makes them feel about themselves rather than who Jesus really is and will forever be. I find myself constantly dumbfounded by the intentional ignorance of some people (not stupidity, they are two completely different words, look it up). People who are intentionally ill informed so that they can live a comfortable lifestyle, a guilt free and cost free lifestyle. In a sense, it's the age old concept that ignorance is bliss, which I strongly advise against, not that i am any kind of authority to listen to. Dont get me wrong, I love these people, thus is why i am so concerned. If i wasnt concerned in the least bit, i wouldnt be writing what you are reading this very second. I see so much money squandered and wasted on things that dont matter in the long run, in the infinite run we refer to as heaven (i prefer to call it "home"). Can we all maybe live more simply? Can we all give up somthing that could help someone else? Can we all learn the real definition of love and what it is for the first time? And let me declare, I am in no way, shape, or form perfect. I am a mess day in and day out. But i am trying and learning about Jesus and trying to figure out who god really is because i am pretty convinced that he is not just a book keeper sitting on a golden throne putting a check mark by our names every time we mess up. I am convinced that he is like a dad, that he loves me and all of you, that he crys when we cry and laughs when we laugh. I am convinced that he feels our pain and heart break and shares our moments of the most intense happiness. I am convinced that he does not care how we dress or how much money we have in the bank. And lastly, he does not care how many times we mess up or stumble in our faith. God is Love, contemplate that word, because it has been so overused in this society. Overused to the point where love is when you see a girl that you think is gorgeous, you spend one "fantastic" night with her, chemicals start pumping through your brain, and you are in "love." That idea is so distant from the true reality of love, i simply will not attempt to explain. Sometime soon, meditate on the word, discover what love really is and at the same time discover who Jesus really is, and you will not be disappointed.

On a side note, next time you pray, pray to your dad, since that's who it is.

Sorry if this was a bit scatter-brained, I tried as best i could to piece together the thoughts that have been running around in my head for the past few weeks, frankly it was alot to process. Thanks for reading, god bless.